Snotcycle...

or better yet, the SNOTiceCYCLE.

Kind of at the last minute Wifey and I decided to head down and to Snotcycle down in VA. It was mostly just to scout out the course for the upcoming Baker's Dozen, but we also had a number of friends coming too (even thou I did not get to do much BSing.)

The race promoter sent out an email Thursday night if this as the headline: "The trail is an ice sheet, it'll probably be crunchy, muddy, and just plain nasty for the race."

Got to give this it the boy, he don't lie.

After watching Jason, Fort James and that woman I live with roll out for the Sport start I headed back to the car (and the heat on full blast) to regain the feeling in my fingers. Then of course the pre race stomach crap starts, so off to the Porta John.

Let's just say sitting in one of these love machines is not where you want to be when it's 25 degrees....or a gust of wind comes rolling thru and comes up from the bottom.....nothing like starting a XC race with frostbite on your junk.

But onto the good stuff, not my ice stalactite....sorry, I had to.

The race did not start as fast as a normal XC given all the ice and snow, but trail was just as we were told it would be....icy, but very ridable....you just had to watch your cornering. I ended the trail head around 8th of the 30 plus men in the expert/pro field and felt really good.

The first lap things just felt in slow motion for a XC race, I felt like I was in an endurance race because we just could not hammer as fast as we could. In a nutshell it was go as hard as you could in the straight areas, pull up when you see a corner coming and just try to glide thru the the corner then repeat.

On the second lap my shifting went to crap. The rear stopped shifting completely, but with a little luck I was big ringing it up front. Wifey got this at the end of the second lap:

You can kind of see that the trail was changing from ice to mud where the sun was, so once again the name Snotcycle was balls on...a little more on that "mud" to come.

The third lap we had a lot more mud in the fields where the sun was melting the ice sheets, but the trails themselves were getting better. They were still snow/ice, but they were starting to get a little grip to them.

The last lap started just as the third did, I passed the guy in the picture above crossing the timing mats (he past me both times on a climb I could not gear down for....zero shifting and a monster gear) He, I and a third guy (just in front of us) BS'ed most of the race, was one of those races.

Knowing I had to gain time on the spots where I could I pushed a little hard then I wanted to in the first few hundred meters of the trailhead. I went by my BS partner up front that earlier joked "the last lap it's every man for himself" and continued to push for a couple minutes till I heard nothing behind me.

On an open flat road (mud) section about a third of the way thru I look back and saw no one for 200-300 meters. That when I took a few deep breaths and started thinking about the "mud" covering my face, and even in my mouth. The course runs threw a cow pasture and if I was one cow patty I was a thousand...and we were riding threw them.

So you get the point on the "mud." Something seams wrong about a vegetarian not eating meat, but being ok with having cow ass in your mouth....I'll need to check the vegetarian handbook on that one.

So things ended as they were, never see my riding partners again. But the first thing I wanted to do have seeing why the Hell I could not shift was get the cow ass off me.

Why lick your lips when they're covered in ass?

The shift was east to figure out once I look at the drivetrain. Both the middle/small gears up front and the rear cassette were blocks of ice. It was kind of cool to see at first....but then it took my body about two minutes to felt just like them.

I knew I was out of the payout range so my main concern was not gettin hypothermia, so it was off to dry clothes and the heat of the car. The violent shivering took about 20-30 minutes to stop but then the nausea kicked in because I did not eat during or after the race. But after a recovery bar and sitting in the passenger seat in the fetal position for an hour things started to come back.

Still a little fuzzy on my placing, but Wifey was thinking 6-8th (I'm thinking 10-12th range) of the 40ish person field. Results should be out in a few days, I'll threw a number up then.

Also want to throw a shout out to Fort James, Wifey told me you were 3-4th. Great job man, you and Jason had a HUGE freakin field of riders out there.

Today it's gonna hit the mid 40's, so that will put me out on the fixie for a recovery spin.....and then maybe get tested for mad cow.